every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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