he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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