we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
