So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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