I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
