let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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