Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
