I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
