my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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