I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
