in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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