my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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