Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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