Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
