drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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