i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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