I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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