i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
