I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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