I can tuck mytits in my pants
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
