you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
