I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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