So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
