um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
