Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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