A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So. Much. Porn.
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