yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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