Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
