Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize