did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
