I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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