Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i think im in europe. pls send help
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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