She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
