Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
