Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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