the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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