I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
