Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
