That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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