The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
