I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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