Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
