in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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