I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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