How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
