I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
