Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
