I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
