fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
