in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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