cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
