On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
