i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
