I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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