I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
