he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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