Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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