so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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