it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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