Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize