I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
