dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
