you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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