Im at strip club and am horny
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
