I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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