i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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