Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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