this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
