dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
