I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
