theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
