I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
