if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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