I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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