The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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