I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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