I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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