don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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