Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
