I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
