you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
