you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
