I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
