I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize