they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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