hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
