That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
