after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize