If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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