Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
