i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
