would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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