I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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