I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Girls should come with a carfax report
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize