The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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