i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
