Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
