This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
