I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
