what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
