Why are handjobs necessary in class?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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