low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
