people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
