Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
