Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
