he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize