Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
