he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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