whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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