went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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