I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
